Paper

Kelly Laysears

Professor Harrison

English 202

04 May 2010

Abstract

A person’s sexual behavior could say a lot about them. In this research paper, I conducted critical in depth qualitative research with three African-American women from Philadelphia. This consisted of them answering a questionnaire that I created and face to face interviews. All three women are mothers of young children and sexually involved with women. In my research for a better understanding of sexuality and behaviors, I learned there were many different ways women define their sexual identity.

Lesbian Identities:

Discussion among Four African-American female friends

I have many friends, some straight, some bi-sexual and now I can add lesbian to the list. As of last year, I can honestly say most of my close female friends have chosen to date or engage in sexual behaviors with women. I have been a witness to these behaviors on many different occasions and every time I’m left speechless. Not because of the crazy behavior they exhibit, but how they all seem to change to lesbians overnight. As a young college student I have seen many different sexual behaviors amongst my peers, and there have been some questions on my mind for some time. I would just like to get a better understanding of my friend’s sexual behaviors, and why they choose to date women.

Although I must admit I love gay men and have nothing against lesbians, this subject has really hit close to home for me. While doing some early research I came across something interesting but quite true: “Many lesbians lead mentally healthy and satisfying lives.” (Rothblum and Factor 2001) The reason I think this has some truth behind it is because each of my friends could be the picture of these two words. However is this lifestyle so healthy and at the same time as satisfying for their children in their future? How about the children of these women? Is it possible that a parent’s lifestyle could determine their kid’s sexual orientation? Do some children with lesbian parents become homosexual because that’s what they grew up bearing in mind? From my own life experiences, most of my lesbian friends’ parents are not homosexual, nor have they ever been for that matter. I know it might be a little strange, but that’s what leads me to this research. I’m doing this research paper to get an understanding about my friends’ sexual behavior with women and how it could affect their children in sexual orientation.

Even though I do know some lesbians who have young children, some of them believe that there lifestyle won’t have any effect on their kids. Yet, according to Bozett and the Lesbian Mothers’ Group, “many young people try to avoid other children finding out about their parents’ sexuality.” (Bozett 1987) Is it easier to hide your parent’s sexuality so you won’t be judged or is it really a personal family matter? Could their sexual behaviors lead to their children being sexually confused as a young adult? Whatever it might be, I came up with a research question that would allow me to get an answer to some of my questions and open up doors to future research on this topic.  In this research paper, I will be discussing the case studies that I did with three lesbian women, including myself which makes four. I will write about how I went about collecting my data, how I compared and contrast my research to other authors, discuss the “Are You a Lesbian?” questionnaire I created and the in-person interviews that I did with the three women.

I began to get pushed into other avenues of lesbianism. I found plenty information on lesbian mothers and growing up with lesbian parents but nothing on changing sexuality and its effects on children. I came across research about a philosopher, Lawrence Crocker.

In 1979, Crocker wrote the first sustained ethical analysis of using a prenatal intervention to control the sexual orientation of children. Crocker called the attempt to control sexual orientation ‘meddling’, but he nevertheless outlined a strong defense of parents’ rights to use a “magic pill’ that could be taken during pregnancy to ensure heterosexual children. (Crocker 1979)

When I read this article it absolutely threw me for a loop, a “magical pill” this can’t be true. Was homosexuality really considered that much of a sin in the late 70’s that parents were willing to go to such extreme heights? I didn’t find much latter information on the “magical pill” and I don’t have evidence if anyone ever took the pills, but the thought of it made me realize how far we have come since those days. As of 2010, in various states, gay and lesbian people are allowed to get married. We are now living in a world where children are making decision about their sexuality at premature ages.

This got me thinking: What is sexuality? What determines our sexual behaviors? I came across a great definition out of an article in the Journal of African American Studies which states: Sexuality is the “… lustful desire, emotional investment, and fantasy, as enacted in a variety of long- and short-term intimate relationships. Homosexuality, heterosexuality, and bisexuality are used when referring to sexuality.” (Lorber 2005)

Although I began to come across more helpful information on my research topic, I was still determined to dig a little deeper. Though most of my discussion and results will come from my methodology, I still need to be able to compare my research to others. A number of articles I came across like Timothy F. Murphy “Gay science: assisted reproductive technologies and the sexual orientation of children” were on case studies involving lesbian mothers seeking children through artificial insemination or adoption and other cases where groups of young teens that were growing up with lesbian or gay parents. It was shocking to me that the research I was coming across now had somehow differed as we began heading toward the 90’s. In the 90’s most people were not as judgmental about homosexuality as much but now about “gay and lesbian” individuals or couples adopting children.  Is this because a parent’s lifestyle could have an affect a child’s livelihood? Or could it be an open invitation to alter a child’s sexual orientation?

 I started to think outside the box and going about my research in a different way. At many times I wanted to change my research question because it became frustrating and overwhelming, but I knew this is the topic that was dear to my heart and I needed to get to the bottom of it. While reading some of these articles, I began to notice plenty of statistics popping up. For instance while briefly reading “Growing up with a lesbian or gay parent: young people’s perspectives” by Anna Fairtlough, I came across a statistic. Estimates say “the number of children in the USA who have a lesbian or gay parent range from 1 to 13 million.” (Martin, Stacey & Biblarz 1993) This is an extremely high number. Even though this statistic is roughly over 16 years old, it still holds up today and we can only imagine what that number would be now that people are considered more “open” about their sexuality.

As I began to read more journals and books on lesbians and their lifestyles, I started to notice a pattern of case studies or group evaluations.  Authors like Katherine Kuvalanka who wrote an article in the Journal of Youth & Adolescence that did research on “lesbians or gays” that use some sort of questionnaire, survey or interview to get valuable feedback. This gave me the idea that being up, close and personal was the best way to retrieve the information that I was after. That’s when I knew case studies would be the best way for me to gather valuable information for my research paper.

Given that the three women I chose for this study are close friends of mine, I decided not to give their names so will call them Mela, Donna, and Shar. These three women are all mothers who have children under the ages 10. Mela, Donna, and Shar are all African American women who live in the Philadelphia area and their age range from 24- 32 years. They are all involved with women in a relationship sort of way. Mela, Donna, and Shar all had previous heterosexual relationships with men and gave birth to children while in those relationships.

The method I chose to gather my information was a case study. According to wisegeek.com a case study is “The study of a person, a small group, a single situation, or a specific “case,” is called a case study. It involves extensive research, including documented evidence of a particular issue or situation — symptoms, reactions, affects of certain stimuli, and the conclusion reached following the study.” This allowed me to gather vital data, background information, ask about past heterosexual relationships, analyze and observe body movements and facial expression. First, I decided to email Mela, Donna, and Shar an “Are You a Lesbian?” questionnaire that I came up with. The questionnaire was based on some things I had been wondering for the past year and questions I knew I wouldn’t consider asking them face to face. I would call this “Are You a Lesbian?” questionnaire an icebreaker. It consisted of ten questions to get some information on their background and how long they had feelings for women. (A sample of the questions I asked on the “Are You a Lesbian?” questionnaire will follow in the results sections.)

Second, I decided to do a follow up interview with Mela, Donna, and Shar but this time in person. I figured at this time we could chat face to face since the ice was already broken. Questions consisted of a list of personal questions about their sexuality, past relationships and children. I explain to Mela, Donna, and Shar that I wasn’t recording our conversation but I would take notes on their body movements and behavior. I decided to take about 15 minutes with each Mela, Donna, and Shar. This allowed me to elaborate more on my “Are You a Lesbian?” questionnaire questions and give them a chance to open up to me and speak about whatever comes to mind.

Third, I decided to give Mela, Donna, and Shar some insight on my research question and why I chose this question. Although I did explain to Mela, Donna, and Shar prior to the interviewing process what I expected from this research project. I then asked Mela, Donna, and Shar the key question to my research, “Do you think your lifestyle will affect your children’s sexual orientation?” This was a very touchy subject and the response I got clearly shows that in my results.

When I first came up with the “Are You a Lesbian?” questionnaire I decide to send it as an email to Mela, Donna, and Shar so I could get decide if they were the right participants for my research. I wanted this questionnaire to be very straight-forward but I didn’t want to scare Mela, Donna, and Shar away. I decide to start with some basic questions that weren’t too detailed but could give me and idea about their current sexuality. Mela, Donna and Shar were honest and didn’t mind being asked that caliber of questions which made me feel at ease. What was very surprising is how much Mela, Donna, and Shar answers interconnected in some unusual way. Could this be because they are all friends or could it be that some lesbian women “mentally” think alike?

Here are the questions from the “Are You a Lesbian” questionnaire and the answers that Mela, Donna and Shar wrote:

1. 1.      Are you a lesbian? If not do you date women?

Mela: I do not consider myself a lesbian but I do date women.

Donna: I date women

Shar: YES, I AM A LESBIAN…

1. 2.      Have you always had a sexual feeling towards women? If so, how long?

Mela: No I haven’t always had sexual feelings towards women. I had my first experience with a woman a few months ago.

Donna: Yes I have, ever since I was a child. Haven’t really acted on it until recently

Shar: I HAVE HAD FEELINGS, BOTH EMOTIONAL AND SEXUAL TOWARDS OR 4 WOMEN 4 ABOUT 12 YEARS NOW…LOL ALTHO I DIDN’T ACT ON THEM UNTIL I WAS 18…

1. 3.      Do you think your current lifestyle is temporary or permanent?

Mela: Being as though I don’t just date women I say my current lifestyle is permanent. I was in 1 serious relationship with a woman and based on the things that I experienced I do not think I can do that all over again.

Donna: I really can’t say. I like what I like right now.

Shar: MY LIFESTYLE, AS IN MY SEXUAL ORIENTATION?? YES…IT’S PERMANENT…I MEAN OF COURSE I WANT A BETTER LIFESTYLE…BUT THT DOESNT CHANGE MY SEXUAL PREFERENCE…

1. 4.      Do you think this lifestyle has or will affect your children?

Mela: My lifestyle was no affect on my kids at all. I make it my business to keep me personal life and my family life very separate.

Donna: No because I don’t bring it around my child.

Shar: ABSOLUTELY NOT…I AM A SINGLE FULL TIME MOTHER…I DNT THINK SO AT ALL…

1. 5.      Do you still having feeling or attraction towards men?

Mela: I am very attracted to men.

Donna: Yes sometimes. But not really.

Shar: NO, ALTHO I FOUND A FEW HANDSOME OR ATTRACTIVE, THAT IS ALL…NO SEXUAL ATTRACTION OR EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT.

1. 6.      Are your parents affected by your lifestyle?

Mela: Well my father is very supportive of my lifestyle, but my mother absolutely despises it and has since stopped speaking to me.

Donna: they don’t know. (At least I don’t think they do)

Shar: YES, MY FATHER DEFINITELY IS. WE HAVE LOST OUR WHOLE RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE OF MY LIFESTYLE…IT’s ALMOST AS IF ME OR MY SON DONT EXIST TO HIM BCUZ OF IT.

1. 7.      Do you believe that society plays a part in your lifestyle (the fact that homosexuality is all on the television, magazines and movies)?

Mela: I think that society makes it much easier to be open. Homosexuality is now embraced when it once was frowned upon. More people like me are not ashamed of how they feel and are not afraid to show it.

Donna: Yes I think it does. But it is not something I see on a regular basis.

Shar: NO, I DO NOT BELIEVE SOCIETY PLAYS A PART. I BELIEVE FOR A LOT OF BI-CURIOUS & FOR SUM BI-SEXUAL WOMEN, EVEN MEN, YES SOCIETY DOES PLAY A SIGNIFICANT ROLL.

1. 8.      Have you ever thought about how your lifestyle could determine your children sexual orientation?

Mela: No not really because all my children see is their mother and their father. They never see me with females.

Donna: 50/50. I think some people are born curious.

Shar: YES, I THINK ABOUT THAT ALL THE TIME. HOWEVER, JUS BECAUSE IM ATTRACTED TO THE SAME SEX DOESNT MEAN THT MY CHILD WILL AS WELL. BUT IF THAT WAS SOMETHING THAT HE TURNED OUT TO BE, THEN I WOULD ACCEPT IT…AS A PARENT OUR CHILDREN DO THINGS WE DNT LKE ALL THE TIME, AND I WOULD NEVER PUSH HIM AWAY THE WAY MY FATHER DID ME.

1. 9.      Does this survey make you uncomfortable?

Mela: No Not at all.

Donna: no

Shar: NO, ACTUALLY I WAS VERY MUCH SO COMFORTABLE WITH WAT U ASKED.

1. Could you give me a brief description on your views about homosexuality?

Mela: I think that people are who they are and they like what they like. You can’t help how you feel so if you have feelings towards someone of the same sex then that fine. I don’t see a difference. As long as you do what makes you happy then who am I or anyone else to judge you?

Donna: I feel like to each his own. I think you should be able to date whoever you would like. Without a second look. And I am not sure if I feel this way because I like females.

Shar: I BELIEVE THAT HOMOSEXUALITY BY SOME OF SOCIETY IS LOOKED AT LIKE A FAD OR A TRENDING TOPIC…AND FOR SOME PEOPLE IT HAS BEEN. IN MY OPINION THERE’S A BIGGER EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT IN HOMOSEXUALITY THEN HETEROSEXUALITY. I BELIEVE AS A HOMOSEXUAL THAT ALTHO WE HAVE CAME A LONG WAY IN SOCIETY WE STILL HAVE MORE HURDLES AND OBSTACLES ALONG THE WAY TO HAVE EQUAL OPPORTUNITIES AS HETERO COUPLES…MARRIAGE, ADOPTION, ETC. AND WE HAVE TO KEEP PUSHN. A LOT PERCEIVES HOMOSEXUALS AS PPL WITH A LOT OF DRAMA BCUZ SUM X WE ARE SURROUNDED BY THE BULLSHIT, BUT THAS HOMO OR HETERO…ONCE U FILTER THRU LIKE U WOULD DO NETHNG ELSE..U GET WHAT UR LOOKING FOR…THIS IS ME AND IT’s HOW I LIVE…AND LIKE WITH NETHNG ELSE…U TAKE THE GOOD WITH THE BAD.

While Mela, Donna and Shar had similarities in some of their answer to the questions, overall each of their situations were different and when I got a chance to sit down and conduct face to face interviews I began to realize how they each define their sexuality different from each other. The first individual I spoke to was Mela. As you can see from the above question Mela was very open up front about her sexuality. Even though she doesn’t consider herself a “lesbian” she states she does date women. This is where I beginning to draw a blank, but I decide it was better to ask than to wonder. Even though I didn’t record any information, everything I asked was pertaining to the question from above. As Mela, walks in the room I couldn’t help but noticed the rainbow bracelet she was wearing on her arm. According to wright-counseling.com the

“Use of the rainbow flag by the gay community began in 1978 when it first appeared in the San Francisco Gay and Lesbian Freedom Day Parade.  Borrowing symbolism from the hippie movement and black civil rights groups, San Francisco artist Gilbert Baker designed the rainbow flag in response to a need for a symbol that could be used year after year.  Baker and thirty volunteers hand stitched and hand dyed two huge prototype flags for the parade.  The flags had eight stripes, each color representing a component of the community: hot pink for sex, red for life, orange for healing, yellow for sun, green for nature, turquoise for art, indigo for harmony, and violet for spirit.”  

This seemed strange to me because as you can see, the first question I asked Mela, are you a lesbian and she answered no. From my experience with lesbian women only the “true” lesbians wear rainbow clothing and jewelry. I began to ask Mela, if there was anything or anybody new in her life, just to break the ice and make her at ease. Even though this was the least of what I wanted to ask after reading her responses to the questionnaire.  We began chatting and what I did notice is every time I would bring up something gearing towards a female and Mela, would light up like the sun. Then when I would ask Mela, things about if her children ever found out about her current sexuality she would seem to get nervous or act unsure. Could this be a sign of uncertainty or could she have not put as much thought into how her sexual behaviors may affect her children, as she did these women?

Next, I talked to Donna, who was really happy about doing the interview. Donna talked about how she loved being asked questions about her sexuality and how she is so happy with her life right now. As stated in my literature review, most lesbians are mentally happy. Well, she looked happy, and when Donna walked in the room she was glowing. I immediately asked, “Why you are so happy?” and she replied, “I just met someone.” I knew in my mind it had to be women, because in her questionnaire she said she doesn’t have an attraction to men anymore. So, I was right, all Donna wanted to do was talk about her new friend. After I got Donna to come back down to earth, I asked her, what makes her think people are born curious? Donna replied with a slight grin on her face “because I was.”  I then said so do you think that’s a normal thing, for people to be born curious? Donna, replied “hell yeah, everyone should explore both sexes, you never know what you want could be on the other side of the gate.” The fact that she was smiling the whole time while saying this puzzled me.

Finally, I talked to Shar, who has had an attraction to women since she was 18 and believes this is her permanent lifestyle. Yet, Shar has a 3 year old son, who was born while she was taking a break from her lesbian behavior. When Shar walked in, she told me she didn’t have that much time to interview, but she would stay as long as she could. So I got right to it, I asked Shar, would she ever stop speaking to her child if they chose to have relations with the same sex. I could tell right away that she was very uneasy with this question. She begins to crack her knuckles and bit her lip. I immediately asked “did I offend you in any kind of way?” Shar stated this was a sensitive subject because, “no parent should ever turn away their child no matter the situation.” What seems strange is how emotional Shar became while answering my question.  Was being an emotional wreck a sign of a healthy and satisfying life, I don’t think so.

After talking to Mela, Donna and Shar for about 10- 15 minutes I decide that my last question would be the point of my research paper. I asked each Mela, Donna and Shar this same question as my closing statement. What made them transition into homosexuality? Each response I got was different, but the one that stuck out to me most was Shar’s. I don’t know if it’s because of her brief emotional breakdown earlier or the fact the she didn’t have much time to stay.  However, she made me see things in a different light. Even though Mela and Donna had similar reason of become a lesbian, Shar was quite different but still very interesting. Shar talked about her father mistreating her mother, and years later her stepmother. She didn’t go into detail but I could tell by her facial expression it was severe time in her life. Shar stated “I never wanted a man to treat me in that manner, so I decided to date women instead.”

What is interesting about Shar is she wasn’t raise by homosexual parents nor was she born with a liking for women. It was simply because she witnesses her father mistreating her mother. Shar’s childhood shaped her into the lesbian women she is today. However, does this make her sexual behavior adequate for her child because she was visually traumatized as a child? Or are these childhood memories what determine Shar sexuality from the start. This leads me to my conclusion.

I guess it’s safe to say maybe some children won’t be scarred by their mother’s sexual orientation. It could be that it is up to the child to make that decision. As each Mela, Donna and Shar talked about their past relationships, new love and women overall. They all mention that their children had no idea about their sexual preferences. I bet Shar’s dad thought the same thing and now he could actually blame himself for the lesbian daughter he created, in which he now doesn’t speak to because of her sexual behaviors.

Could this be because some lesbian parents are scared to be honest with their children? Or is it deeper than that? Could it be there children might become outcast at the school or tease if other children knew about their mother sexual preference. For whatever reason my research has lead me to conclude that there are many different reason why and how my friends came about choosing their sexuality, but just like I said “it’s their sexuality”. Although they may not have put any thought into the affect it could have own their children. Or does it even matter, since all of these women decide to keep these sexual behaviors from their children.

Although my research and methodology allowed me to come up with answers to my hypothesis, I had many limitations that had some affect to my study. The number of participants I used which was three, the fact that I was focused more on my understanding my friends’ sexuality only or it could be that I have a personal relationship with all three of the participants. Even though there were limitations, there is still so much more research to be conducted on African-American women and their sexuality. I convinced now that sexuality amongst young adult African-American women have increase in the last few years and the way they determine their sexuality or even define their sexual preferences is a research paper waiting to be read.

Going back to the introduction, when I quoted Rothblum and Factor. I must be honest and admit I did see some truth in that quote when I first read it, but after conducting this research it has open up new doors for me and other researchers. I now feel I can finally see past my friends’ acts of lesbianism and now into their eyes. What I see now are “mentally healthy” women when we talk about women, but unsatisfied women when we talk about life.

Works Cited:

Bozett F. (1987) Children of gay fathers. In: F.W. Bozett (Ed.) Gay and Lesbian Parents
, pp. 39–57. Praeger, New York

Crocker C 1979, Meddling with the sexual orientation of children. In O’Neill O (ed.) Having Children: Philosophical and Legal Reflections on Parenthood. Oxford University Press, New York.

Fairtlough, Anna. “Growing up with a lesbian or gay parent: young people’s perspectives.” Health & Social Care in the Community 16.5 (2008): 521-528.

Fingerhut, Adam W., Letitia Anne Peplau, and Negin Ghavami. “A DUAL-IDENTITY FRAMEWORK FOR UNDERSTANDING LESBIAN EXPERIENCE.” Psychology of Women Quarterly 29.2 (2005): 129-139.

Martin A. (1993) The Lesbian and Gay Parenting Handbook: Creating and Raising our Families. Harper Collins, New York.

Murphy, Timothy F. “Gay science: assisted reproductive technologies and the sexual orientation of children.” Reproductive BioMedicine Online 10. (2005): 102-106.

Lesbians and their sisters as a control group: Demographic and mental health factors; Rothblum, E.D.; Factor, R. Psychological Science; 2001 Vol. 12 Issue 1, 7p.

Lorber, J. (2005). Gender inequality: Feminist theories and politics (3rd Ed.). Los Angeles, CA: Roxbury.

http://www.wisegeek.com/

http://www.wright-counseling.com/Safezone/safezonesymbols.htm